Hi guys!
This month is my 12 year anniversary of living in the LA area and instead of me doing something to celebrate, I decided to tell you my thoughts on living here all these years later.
Believe me, my outlook has changed a bit.
I am going to break it down in categories and if you are looking into moving here, this may help. This is also going to address some of the famous “I’m Leaving California” themes you have seen in the past few years and why everyone’s situation/perspective is different.
Career
This is the biggest reason I am still here: my career has taken off so much here and it’s probably the best thing that I still have going on in my life. I have had to sacrifice parts of my social life in order to get ahead by working hard, networking and saving money. When 2016 came along, it really started to pay off after all those years.
Today I work full time in the public sector as a contractor and two side hustles as a freelance journalist and freelance event specialist. I don’t see myself giving it up anytime soon, I love what I do! I am proud of the accolades, people I have met and the lives that were changed or impacted in some way.
I also have learned to set more boundaries in terms of freelancing because the first 9 years of living here I was going like a mad woman and saying “yes” to everything.
I was afraid to miss an opportunity living in one of the most creatives places in the world! I didn’t really have much control over my life back then because I became a brand.
The first time I realized this was last year in December when I had an extensive background interview where I had to go over every single freelance opportunity I ever had. It took almost 2 hours and was the longest part of the whole entire process. Although I am proud of what I have done, I thought, ok, I really need to start implementing some different strategies. It’s weird, because I don’t remember that part of my life being too tired or stressed, just overly energized, sometimes it’s even a blur. That’s actually the biggest reason why I started the blog was so that I could start documenting things so I wouldn’t forget and it could live on forever.
My goal is to try and retire by my late 50s (I’m going to try, but God knows with this inflation these days!) and I am on track to get there. Trust me, I don’t want to be going at the same pace I once did when I get older!
Advice: Go after your dream job(s), you don’t want to have regrets down the road! Also make sure you set boundaries so you don’t burn yourself out! Setting financial goals for yourself living in a high end state is also important, even if it means taking on some side work. Think of the categories as lifestyle, rent/bills and 401K/Roth IRA/emergency savings. Always strive to do better for yourself and be happy! I don’t think money makes you happy but it definitely makes you secure.
Housing: Renting vs Buying
I obviously can’t get away from how expense it is here, especially right now with inflation: as I type this, gas is $6.09 where I live, if you want to get a beer, a glass of wine or cocktail at the bar it’ll run between $9 to $15, housing (mortgages and rent) is through the roof – the list goes on. But that’s the price you get for living in a large metro area like San Francisco, San Diego, Chicago, Washington D.C., New York, Boston – they all have the same type of problem.
I found this cool infographic from Smart Asset below on what you need to live comfortably in major metro areas. Realistically though, you need to be making six figures in California to really be ahead of the curve.
I am lucky to be working from home and I have saved so much money on gas, maintenance, work clothes and coffee. When I first moved to California, I was living in Orange County with a friend and I was paying $760/month for a room. Later I moved to Thousand Oaks in Ventura County and I was paying $650/month for a room. Then I got my studio apartment in the Channel Islands Harbor in Oxnard and I paid between $1,063 – $1,483 up until I left last year. Today that studio is going for $2,300/month and it is a very old building on the water.
When I signed my lease in Pasadena for a studio, it was $2,095/month. Today it is $2,205/month. What my studio is going for now is $2,700 – $2,900/month depending on the market trends, it’s nuts! Because my building is older than 15+ years, I am tied into a 5% – 8% rent increase per year. I got my apartment right before inflation started getting insane, so I got lucky! Obviously, 1 bedrooms and 2 bedrooms in LA are higher than that amount unless you find a good deal for $1,800 in an older building that may have some type of problem. Finding good deals are hard these, especially with inflation and more people WFH. Once you have a good deal, you don’t wanna leave it!
I live within my means and maybe once or twice a month I go out and do something and spend money. These days, I enjoy cooking at home or just doing simple things like taking a walk around my neighborhood daily. I’m not driving over to the beach every weekend. Sometimes I’ll go to a free concert or play in the parks. There’s a lot you can do for free without living on an excessive budget!
I get asked if I am ever going to buy a home in California. If it was some type of home, it would be a condo because I like smaller spaces and I’m not into backyards, I hate yard work! Building living just doesn’t bother me. Realistically, I don’t know if I can afford a home here because even with a down payment that I do have, it still isn’t enough to lower the mortgage – I am paying cheaper in rent than I would a mortgage! With a mortgage, I would be living paycheck-to-paycheck and I would never get to travel. CNN even wrote this article about whether it makes to rent or buy where you live.
“Austin, Texas, for example, is where it was most beneficial to rent rather than buy in January. It was followed by New York; San Francisco; San Jose, California; Seattle; Boston; Denver; Rochester, New York; Portland, Oregon; and Los Angeles.
In these 10 cities, the monthly payments associated with buying a starter home were 42% — or $978 higher — than rents, on average. For-sale starter homes in those places included a higher average share of condos than the national rate, and pricier homeowner association fees.”
Advice: This is why I stated earlier how important it is to position yourself to make a high salary and just hustle: I still have enough money to pay the rent/bills, have a lifestyle and put extra in a Roth IRA, 401k and emergency savings. This isn’t about bragging or being better than anyone else, it’s about looking out for yourself and being secure. California is all about “keeping up with the Jones'” and if you don’t position yourself to keep going for a higher salary and know your worth, you’re going to fall behind. It’s not easy living here but you have to be beyond mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared!
Politics
This is an area that is always in the news. Even with our current governor, Gavin Newsom, his approval rating is 50/50. The last time the state had a Republican governor was when Arnold Schwarzenegger was in office between 2003 – 2011.
Most major metro areas are liberal while rural areas are more conservative. Yes, California is a very liberal state! I don’t need different news sources to constantly remind me of this – what’s that saying, “Don’t California my U.S.?”
People choose to leave the state for a variety of reasons: cost of living, a new job, change of political views – not everyone has the same exact reason for wanting to stay or leave California.
The ones that choose to leave, they don’t want to “California your state,” they left for other reasons and want different experiences or something that aligns with their point of view.
In general, I am not much into politics because it is what it is, I am one little person! Sometimes things frustrate me but I am not the type of person to rant about it. California is a far cry from perfect: the crime has gotten worse in certain areas since the pandemic, homelessness is through the roof (the City of LA currently has more than 66,000 homeless individuals) and the cost of living is up.
Everything is dictated by politics somehow but what gets me through the day is what I am thankful for in my life and what I have, not what I am lacking. Everything is second nature and we all need to chip in and volunteer to do our part in ensuring the well-being of our communities! I don’t have a choice to but take it day-by-day and just keep the hope alive. Why would I leave when more good than bad is happening in my life?
Advice: I personally think that if you click with a city physically, emotionally and mentally then you are meant to be there, whether it’s a red or blue state. Just do what makes you happy!
Dating
This is a subject that I have been avoiding for quite some time because just like when some people get riled up about politics, I get riled up about the topic of relationships, but I am going to try and explain to you simply why I am still single at age 42.
First of all, I am a caring, nurturing, loving, silly and fun person to be around, but I also have another side where I am passionate, decisive, independent and intense. I love my good traits and flaws because that is what makes up me and I am not going to give myself up. I believe that happiness, confidence and self love starts with yourself and not someone else. I also don’t believe in gender norms or societal structures that have to be and to make your own individual path. Once I gave up the norms and structures a long time ago, I have been living a much more fulfilling life. Basically what I am trying to say is I see everything as an equal and I have a sense of myself.
The problem is I keep finding guys that just don’t get it with what I mentioned above and it doesn’t matter where I have met them: at the beach, at a social or career networking event, the grocery store, church, online – the same thing happens. They also can’t handle the fact that I have my own at the end of the day, a.k.a my freelance work. That’s crazy for me to type considering I live in a place like LA with a ton of creative professionals that freelance, so you logically think I would’ve met someone after all these years. I know what it’s like not to have your own and feel upset because it happened to me with someone I was first dating when I moved here. Once I got my own, I felt more alive.
But they continued to be upset by this or why I would have to work, so I asked them these two questions and I would get the same answer:
“Am I treating you well?” and “Do I make time for you?” They would answer “yes” to both of these questions.
THEN WHAT’S THE FREAKING PROBLEM?! I even read an article from Harvard Business Review that said if someone can’t support your career, then stay single! My goal isn’t too be intimidating, my goal is to keep doing what makes me happy!
The other reason why I am single is because I have never had my needs met by a guy. This is why I continuously give myself my own needs because I don’t know what it’s like. My needs are not financial or physical because I can do that for myself, it’s emotionally and mentally. I have all the big things, it’s the little things that I think would be more meaningful. I have a doer type of personality, so I am just used to doing communal girlfriend things like sending a sweet text message, maybe buying a gift every now and then, being a good listener, being encouraging/supportive, etc. You logically think I would get the same free things back but something triggers these guys causing them to get insecure, I don’t know why. I once had a guy tell me that all the traits I just mentioned was “too much to give a partner” – what?! I don’t rub anything in their face or make them feel bad and at the same time, I am also just living and loving life!
They also can’t handle that I still like being independent and I refuse to give that 100% up. I’m going to tell you why: when I was younger, every single time I gave up some of my independence for a guy to make him feel “like a hero” or like “he was needed,” I was only hurting myself, whether it was to assemble a stand, take the trash out, put away the dishes or just solve some type of problem in general – these are things I am capable of. So I decided that instead of putting on an act, I was going to be more genuine, which basically meant that I wasn’t going to make them feel needed all the time unless I really, truly needed it and still stay true to myself – basically have a balance.
Well guess what? They complained about that too. Again, I just can’t be a damsel in distress around the clock, it’s pathetic. And guys, if you are dating a woman like this, trust me, it’s going to get old, there’s a sense of manipulation on her part. I once read an article that men would rather feel needed than be treated well and that’s crazy to me.
This is what I will never understand: if men know times have changed and women can do more things for themselves, then why are they wired to be like it was back in the day with more standard relationship roles? To me that logically doesn’t make any sense and it never will. Why not just be equals? It’s like a math equation I can’t solve and y’all know I hate numbers!
I have met guys that have the opposite personality as me, which is what I need, but the problem is the values aren’t lining up. A lot of guys out here I have found also don’t know how to save money well and I am a huge saver, despite California being seen as this “excessive” place. I am very much well aware that when I was younger some of it is on me too because I allowed these people into my life (and believe me, it was a bunch of different categories) but it was always short lived and I woke up from it. I am not a victim. You live and learn and that’s all you can do is hope for the best the next time around. I know I am a good woman and what I have to offer but I might not have been the right woman for them and vice versa. It’s ok! 🙂
At the same time, despite everything I just mentioned, I have gotten to a place in my life – especially in my 40s – where I just like being single and doing my own thing. I have so much freedom and I just have the type of personality where I like to figure it out.
I have so many solo travel trips that I thoroughly enjoy. I have great friends and family. The world is my oyster and I am more at peace now than I ever was.
I believe that there is possibly a person out there for everyone but I am also slightly jaded. However, what I need is at this point incredibly rare and I just don’t have the strength to go through it anymore. Finding the right person is like trying to find the right job and it’s easier for me to nail interviews than go on a date and explain to a person who I am all over again.
I’ve tried and I’ve even tried not trying and letting it naturally come to me – nothing has worked. It’s basically just easier for me to stay single. I don’t feel defeated or sad because I think people lack the understanding that there is more to contribute to society than just being in a relationship – unless you have a huge desire to get married and have kids. So I never met my person, big deal, look at the amazing small group of friends that I have! In general, dating just doesn’t interest me anymore!
Advice: This is for both guys and gals: just live your life how you want to live it, be happy and stay true to yourself and not because society, your friends or family expect you to be a certain way. Life is too short to be miserable or around unsupportive people. If someone comes into your life, great, but don’t forget what makes you happy! And if they can’t handle it, you’re better off single!
Mental Health
Something that I rarely did between 2010 through the beginning of 2020 was cry or get angry. The thing about living in LA is that sometimes things can be taken away from you or promises are broken. In a sense I have become numb to it all. You have to just tough it up, keep your eye on the prize and I guarantee you that something bigger will be around the corner. It always works out some how!
When the pandemic hit, I was crying on and off a lot. It wasn’t because I was lonely, it was because I was used to doing so much that my body was at a standstill (there’s a difference between exercising and being on the go all the time).
It was a shock, everything in the world was moving so slow and I was not used to it.
I think being in graduate school also took a toll on me because while everyone was trying to figure out what to do being quarantined or learn something new about themselves, I was on a different level of thinking and studying all the time. Sometimes I had high anxiety because I was so determined to get the 4.0 (I did btw). When everything started “lifting” (e.g., mask mandates) and I was just about to graduate, it was then I had to rediscover some new things about myself. As I type this I am still learning to set new boundaries for myself and what I am willing to take on/not take on. I had to find my writing style again with journalism – it’s crazy but I am starting to feel slightly whole again and I still have a ways to go.
As a state overall, people I feel are living in desperate times because everything has gotten so expensive, hence the rise in crime and homelessness. There isn’t a day where a high end retailer isn’t getting broken into along Rodeo Drive or there’s a stolen car on the freeway that the news is chasing. Car chases used to be a cool thing to see on an LA freeway because they would happen maybe once or twice a week before the pandemic. Now it’s every day.
Advice: Don’t be afraid to give yourself a break, whether that’s traveling (my passion), meditating, reading a book, etc. Oh, and don’t be afraid to say “no” sometimes! I am finally learning to say “no” when it comes to so work-related items, something I never really did in the past!
Future Outlook
I get this question asked a lot: do I plan on staying in California the rest of my life? The answer is: no.
My saying is this: I am stuck but I am not miserable.
Right now, I am just here for my working years because I am doing well for myself. My plan once I get in my mid to late 50s is to probably relocate to Nevada. I really like to Reno area because it’s still a small city atmosphere and I am still surrounded by mountains, trees, the Truckee River and Tahoe is just one hour south of there. I also miss the change of seasons and Reno does get snow but not like a dumping on the mainland like Minneapolis would get. I’m just saving money and preparing myself to leave in the future. I’m still loving the journey I am on out here even though the situations sometimes aren’t ideal.
Overall Thoughts
I’ve achieved most of my goals living in California and have had experiences that I couldn’t anywhere else. There are so many memories I have made and I try and document as many as I can for you guys and when I look back on them one day! This shitzo isn’t always easy but with a good attitude and persistence, things will happen! Sometimes I need a reality check if I get frustrated by one of my friends, my mom or my hair stylist (lol yup!) but I get back down to earth pretty quickly.
At 42, I can honestly say I don’t have much left I want to accomplish. I have the accolades, recognition, great job experiences and good friends and family.
Some of my goals are ongoing (e.g., freelancing, traveling, upgrading to a new car, etc.) but if I had to name a couple major goals I have left to do, it would be buying property and obtaining a couple wine certifications. I did it, I made it and I’m at peace.
If you ever have any questions or want advice about living in California, I am happy to give you my perspective! I have actually done this for a few people and they are now living here and thriving. I am so proud that they found their way! I would just say to have a plan before moving out here, even if the plan gets tweaked a bit.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in my next blog! 🙂
