Dear Future Partner,
Not too long ago, the New York Times published an article that talks about the 13 questions a person should ask their partner before they get married. It was interesting and a bit eye opening to say the least.
I am currently single and enjoying my life with positivity and hope that you might come along. However, I am going to take my own spin on it and also add the word “long term relationship” to replace the word “marriage.”
It’s never been my place to ask where the relationship is going. I am flexible with having a long term partner or marriage, I want you to set that pace.
But I’m also not your traditional female where I think that everything has to be joined and united. I feel like when people get married, they get wrapped into this “marriage bubble” and it becomes a routine. I would constantly like to try new things with you and expand my horizons. I like the excitement of things not being the same day to day.
So here are my answers to these questions so that you know where I stand in the future:
1. Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?
Answer: We never threw things. I was taught to fight with words, not physical action. Sometimes yelling did occur but it doesn’t solve anything. I believe in talking about things in a calm, rational manner.
2. Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?
Answer: As of this moment today, I am not sure if I want kids anymore – well at least a baby. Even with my two friend’s babies, I cringe at the fact when they have to change a diaper (my friend Evie warns me of when her daughter has poo pooed so I can leave the room). I am actually better with kids 7 and older and have considered being a foster parent once I get in my 40s.
3. Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us?
Answer: Exes were there to help us learn from our mistakes and take away the lessons learned so that we don’t repeat them. I am only friends with one of my exes but I rarely see him, we mostly talk shop.
4. How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all?
Answer: It would be nice to meet someone that is a Christian/Catholic but I am open to celebrating another religion if you feel strongly about it.
5. Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out?
Answer: If you’ve accumulated this debt before you even knew me, you have to pay it off with your own money. If the situation were reversed, I would never ask you to help me, I can stand on my own two feet financially. I also don’t have any debt, I was raised to be financially independent. This also falls into the category of being financially responsible (then again, I can’t find one man since moving to SoCal that is responsible! It’s a very free spirited state.). We shouldn’t have debt and have a financial plan.
I firmly believe that when you’re in a partnership, you should have a joint account to pay bills, for an emergency fund, support the kids, etc…but I also think that two people should have their own at the end of the day. There is no rule that says you have to join every single aspect of each other’s lives.
6. What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a car, a couch, shoes?
Answer: I like to look for a deal, something not crappy like Ross and not too expensive like Balmain. I got my current couch for an MLK weekend deal for $290 from Big Lots, it’s an Ashley Furniture store brand. Shoes will vary, as you want to have good quality that lasts a long time. The most I ever spent was $200 and they were boots. As for a car, this is SoCal and you can still get a new car that’s not sporty or a gas guzzler for a great deal.
7. Can you deal with my doing things without you?
Answer: Again, both people need to have their own. I love spending one on one time with my girlfriends or doing a hobby by myself. I would encourage you to go hang with your boys or go golfing! I don’t understand those couples when they literally do everything together – don’t you want your space sometimes?!
8. Do we like each other’s parents?
Answer: Yes, there needs to be a level of respect for our parents and we should enjoy having a relationship with them. Mine are all the way in Florida.
9. How important is sex to you?
Answer: It’s a healthy relationship when you have sex a few times a week.
10. How far should we take flirting with other people?
Answer: There’s a difference between teasing and flirting with others. I would never flirt with someone when I am in a relationship, it’s tacky and rude to you.
11. Do you know all the ways I say “I love you”?
Answer: You say it and show it. Say it daily when you wake up and go to bed and show it through actions, whether that be a gift, a text message, phone call or a sweet gesture. Love is based on trust, respect and communication.
12. What do you admire about me and what are your pet peeves?
Answer: I haven’t met you yet, but my pet peeves are when guys talk the talk and show no action and don’t follow through. I also can’t stand it when someone is unappreciative, rude or takes advantage of someone.
I am a firm believer that when you say something, you should back it up with action. I have never been the kind of person who talks the talk. Why say it if you’re not going to do it?
I admire a man who is trustworthy, fun, funny, independent, financially stable, has a good relationship with his family, a good job, a good heart, loves to try new things, travel and is communicative. I say this because I have all of these qualities.
13. How do you see us 10 years from now?
Answer: Still having fun, traveling, laughing, growing together and supporting one another’s goals and dreams…just being us and falling in love more each day. 🙂
Photo Credit: Debt to Dignity, Baby Oye, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, Open Democracy, Ireland Independent, Wolf Furniture, Goodmen Project, KEYW, How to Live Healthy, Flirt, Long Distance Lover, The Anatomy of Love, Eharmony, The Knot