The other day my girlfriends and I were chatting about our dating theories. We do this a lot, it’s like an episode of “Sex and the City” chatting over cocktails. I definitely think I have Carrie’s independence (and I’m a writer coincidentally), I’m feisty and outspoken like Miranda and I have Samantha’s bluntness. Charlotte? Uh…I’m not so much a “rules” type of chick…maybe being kind and polite?
I don’t believe in reading dating books like I used to in my 20s because we all date differently and are unique. We all have different needs and wants in life. No two persons are the same. I think it’s just something you learn over time.
I’m still single at 35 and I choose to believe that he’s still out there. I think it happens when you least expect it. I’m not giving up on love!
The 4 C’s. I believe relationships need what I like to call the 4 C’s: communication, compassion, compromising and consideration. If couples would do this on a daily basis, there would be less break-up’s and less divorces. It takes love, understanding, spending quality time together, having fun, laughing your tail off and having the same goals and qualities to make it work for the rest of their lives, not a ring or a piece of paper to “define” it. Although I must admit, wedding cake is the best part of any wedding and seeing the groom’s face as the bride walks down the aisle…oh yeah, and the Electric Slide.
I am fine with having a long term partner or marriage – I’m basically flexible either way – but I am not nor have I ever been a fling type of girl. I’m pretty sure it’s because my parents have been together for 45 years now so it was instilled in me to be a one man woman since then. That’s the Midwest girl in me, I’m a relationship kind of girl.
As far as children, if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. God knows what my body might or might not give me.
Needing vs wanting. There’s a difference between “needing” a man and “wanting” a man. I don’t “need” a man but I want one. Besides the obvious values of love, trust, honesty, loyalty, above all, I want a man to emotionally support me and be in my corner. This makes me feel like I’m on a high. I don’t need the money, the car, clothes – I can do that by myself. If a man wants to buy me something, it’s jewelry. I hate buying jewelry, it’s not my thing!
Conflict. Couples should really follow through on their words and not run away from conflict. I’m more of a head on type of girl and like to communicate like crazy, although sometimes it doesn’t always come across that well. I guess it’s because my passion might come across as intense.
It takes effort on both sides. Not just the man, but the woman as well. This is where my girlfriends and I tend to agree or disagree. It’s fine to have the guy court a woman, but after a certain amount of time has gone by and you feel comfortable, both need to make an effort and make each other feel special. I have a girlfriend that believes her man should constantly be working for it. I feel a bit sorry for her guy because he looks a bit annoyed and exhausted, and he’s such a great guy, lol! I’m such a huge people person that I just love making everyone feel special.
What men need. Women need to understand this: men need to be loved, respected, cherished, appreciated and screwed. It’s that simple. Come to think of it, women need the exact same thing. I don’t let a lot of guys touch me unless I feel like he respects me and I also want to respect him. I also need to respect myself.
When I date a man I always make sure I notice the little things he does for me: pays for a meal, opens the car or restaurant door, fixes something around my apartment, compliments me, drives me somewhere – I always say thank you and how much it means to me because it it makes me feel good and makes him feel good. I love encouraging a man, giving him hugs and kisses and being right by his side supporting him.
Love and support. If I didn’t have the love and support of my family, friends, my career to keep me going forward and above all my independence – I don’t know how I’d get through the day. I can only make myself happy and go through this life with no assumptions or expectations.
To all of the people who are looking for love and might want my advice it would be:
- Take it one day at a time. I don’t like rushing into a relationship, even if emotions run high. If two people really like and respect one another, spend time together, grow and take it a day at a time. Don’t put a timeline on it!
- Focus on yourself if you need to.
- Go out to places that you might meet the types of people with the qualities and activities you want (i.e. football game, church).
- Above all, keep your heart and mind open. Love yourself first. I choose to believe that I will make a great partner to my future man one day.